#204 | The Return of Claude Racine-Valinsky From the Depths of Postpartum Depression to "Gangster" Mom Mode

March 15, 2023

Claude Racine Valinsky is a former professional dancer and choreographer in Los Angeles who is now a mother who has recovered from postpartum depression and become a thriving mom-preneur. She returns to the show for the third time to share her "gangster mindset" for turning our most difficult moments in life into our greatest opportunity for growth, expansion, fulfillment and success. Claude joined us in episode #28 to share her home birth story and again in episode #72, where she opened up about the darkness of her postpartum depression, sudden weight gain, and health struggle with a Hashimoto's diagnosis.

After that episode, we promised to do a follow-up to and none of us imagined such a transformation would follow.

Today, at 41, Claude is in the best shape of her life physically, fulfilled as a wife and mother, and making far more money than she ever imagined possible from a business she started just two years ago, which has financially transformed every aspect of her family's life. She is back with a powerfully motivating message on how mothers who may barely recognize themselves right now can begin to take small steps toward reinventing themselves. She tells us how she picked herself up by her bootstraps and gives us advice on how to embrace our own power even amid despair, and to recognize we are all capable of living a happy, vibrant and fulfilling life postpartum.

Claude Racine-Valinsky

#28 | Claude Racine-Valinsky's Birth Story: No Place Like Home

#72 | The Winding Road Through Postpartum with Claude Racine-Valinsky

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View Episode Transcript

We just want to make sure everyone else is happy. The husband is fed, the kid is fed, the house is clean. And I'm not even that. I'm not that person, you guys, but I did turn it to her after having Nova. And then I was like, Wait a second. I haven't washed my face in a year. I don't even brush my teeth every day. What am I doing your eyes open the minute that baby sighs in their sleep, your eyes pop open. Like, that is such a precious endearing beautiful thing to me about women, I'm so I'm so happy to be a woman. I'm so happy that I'm the one who went through that experience in my life. I'm so proud that I kept getting up when my babies needed me. And like you said, despite how isolating it is our feeling, it's it's like every woman should be so moved by herself. Because on that wedding day, you didn't see that you had that in you.

I'm Cynthia Overgard, owner of HypnoBirthing of Connecticut, childbirth advocate and postpartum support specialist. And I'm Trisha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant. And this is the Down To Birth Podcast. Childbirth is something we're made to do. But how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture? Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.

Hi, everybody, my name is Claude received Wolinski. And I have been a guest on down to birth show twice before wants to talk about my home birth, I believe that was episode 28. And then the second time was to talk about I was really like in the thick of postpartum depression and anxiety that was episode 72. And now two years later, I reached back out to the show and I was like, I would love to come on and just talk about how I have overcome the darkness that I was in and how it actually helped create such a bigger and brighter and happier future for me.

And I think when I was going through postpartum depression there was there was like this, I felt I felt sorry for myself, really, I felt like a victim of something that I had no control over. And, but at the same time, I had no choice but to keep going. I had I had no choice but to keep getting up and keep feeding my baby and keep showing up. And there were days where I really did not want to.

But what I realized when I started to kind of feel a little bit more like stable in my head, and I think this was when Nova, my son started sleeping a little bit more regular, you know, the schedule that you lose control of when your baby is born, that was really hard for me. So when he started sleeping more on his schedule, I started to feel a little bit of this. Okay, I'm getting a little bit of my freedom back. And I and I started looking at like, wow, look what I just survived.

And that started like giving me this fuel like, I am like a gangster and any mom, I started looking at moms in a whole new way, a whole new light. Like we it's not to feel sorry for us that we're going through that it's like that is building us to be like the exact mom that our kids need the wife that our husband needs.

I mean, it just made me so so mentally strong, which you would never think when you're going through it, you feel so weak. But I wanted to share that that weakness, that darkness that hopelessness and helplessness that you feel, just keep taking one step in front of the other every day and know that it's not going to be like that forever, and use it as fuel to like, propel you forward, forward forward. And you know, you're gonna come out of it.

Just such a stronger and more capable being all together.

So what when's the last time we met with you and spoke to you, you were really at a low. And it was you know, we just had to put this episode out there you just you were just at a low there was nothing we could do to sugarcoat it. You were feeling bad emotionally physically. You love your husband very much you felt solid in that relationship that you expressed little waves of like, you know that awareness that we are the default parents and those emotions that we understand. But where did you go from that low? Like what what did you do with that? You know, it's like you had no advice in that episode. And then now here you are. So what happened?

I, there came a point where I was so over feeling how I was feeling I was overlooking how I was looking. And it just wasn't me it I was this is not clothed, and I remember telling you guys, I felt so distant from who, who I knew myself to be. And I decided, Okay, I'm going to do something. And I, every day I would I for about a year, I was thinking in my head, I need to find something to do, I need because remember, it was like in the middle of COVID and COVID, shut down the entire entertainment industry. So my husband and I couldn't dance we weren't choreographing, we were just like doing nothing. And then this opportunity found me to do to sell makeup and skincare online. And I think that thing of having something to do and having other people to show up for because that opportunity propelled me to share my postpartum story. Like, it is scary to admit to people that you think about killing yourself that you you think, you know, oh, my gosh, this was a mistake to have a baby. But I opened up to my network, when I started direct sales. And they received it so beautifully. And that helped me. Like, I felt like I often I had this purpose now that I had that I had to show up and keep being authentic and keep sharing my pain and my struggles, because so many other women were out there dealing with the same thing in silence. And that gave me that gave me the strength to show up every day to get better to find answers. Like I was so over nobody having answers. How do you not have an answer for what is postpartum? How do you get better? How do you not have an answer for Hashimotos? How does the doctor looked at me and say, Oh, it's genetic. There's nothing you can do about it. I refuse to accept that. And now it wasn't just about me, it was about finding answers and finding solutions for all these women now that had opened up to me and said, I have Hashimotos, too. I have postpartum too. Oh, I'm so scared of postpartum I had it too. And I never said anything. And, and just opening up that floodgate gave me the like, it just changed my whole perspective. I was like close, shut up, stop feeling sorry for yourself. And like, get some answers. And so I spent the next like year looking for answers about how she motos and you know, I'm still I just got certified in functional nutrition because I wanted to know how the heck can you maybe at least help prevent postpartum depression or help? Like make it not so heavy? Not so horrible?

That's what helped me get out of my own way and stop feeling sorry for myself. Now I had this responsibility. I felt like in my head to help so many other women

out how did you take that first step, because when women are in the thick of that, it is like, so difficult to feel motivated to do anything, you know, for some people just to get dressed and take a shower, feels difficult to go out of the house is impossible to put yourself out there in front of people or take on a an opportunity that presents itself to you could feel so overwhelming. So like, what? How did you get to that place of like, I'm going to do it? What's that very first thing.

I mean, you just gotta put one foot in front of the other, you have to just I believe that through action, your mind will catch up. Don't go into I'm just going to lay here and feel sorry for myself. Get up and go on walks. Force yourself to move every day to get out and walk as soon as you're cleared by your doctor to be able to have some kind of exercise, exercise. You know, cook if you can, and ask for help and allow yourself to be helped. I think your point about the mind catching up to the physical body is so important. Because if we if we don't keep our hands busy, then the mind just takes over. And that keeps us in stagnation. But the minute you actually just move your body doesn't matter if you're reorganizing a drawer or folding laundry or taking a walk or just doing something to move the body. Right? If you do that day after day after day, your mind can't sit and wallow in the problem because it's busy doing something else. So you have to distract it. Yeah. And like I remember crying through workouts. You know, I like going in the garage during COVID and my body was so weak it wouldn't do anything it was it used to be.

Do you and I would just cry, but I would still do it. And, you know, I can be hard on myself sometimes for feeling how I felt and like not being able to be present for my baby. But at the same time, I didn't give up. And at the same time, I showed up and did the things. Even though my mind didn't want to physically, I showed up. And eventually, my mind started to feel better, because I kept physically active.

There's an expression in yoga in which we say the mind gives up before the body. And sometimes when you're holding a really difficult pose, like, I don't know if if anyone practices out there, but like, bounce side angle pose is the one I was holding when an instructor said that because you're holding a very intense pose, and your mind starts going, I can't do this anymore. How long? Are they keeping us in this pose? What if I fall down in this in this room, and the mind just starts going wild on you. And she just said, like, the mind gives up before the body and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, my body hasn't flinched. It hasn't even flinched. I'm not even at the point where my leg is quivering from the, from the fatigue. And it's incredible, like how real thoughts feel. Thoughts are not real at all, but they feel so real. It's like, why don't you get up and move your body? Like, let the body drive and let the thoughts catch up to what you're doing. Like if you try to get really down about things when you're concentrating on following a new recipe. As you're having one single friend over and you decided to try something new, like you're just going to get in it you're going to be focused time is going to go by, and it's different from curling up in the fetal position alone with those incorrect, destructive thoughts. With your energy level low, it's it's, yeah, like just force yourself to do it and see what happens. It actually researched as support what you're saying completely. It's one of several things that does lift us out of depression, just movement. Yeah. And that's what I do now is talk about, like, it's not about motivation. It's not about like, you just have to be disciplined. And one thing that people will say it was like, you have to change your mind first. But when you're under oppression, you can't fucking change your mind like that. That's just not Nope. That is what are waiting till you feel motivated, like, what is that day going to come? Right? And that's why the discipline of like, okay, I know that I'm supposed to move my body. Tony Robbins says that people don't make a change until they're unless they're desperate, or inspired. And what a difficult way to live waiting between as we're toggling between these two extremes, like how often are we really inspired? How often are we really desperate? And how bad does it have to be when we're when we're desperate? And you're saying, like, don't wait for those extremes. Don't get up and just do it anyway. Yeah. And it feels impossible. I mean, I can recall a period of time in my life when I was in deep, deep grief. And it was, you know, almost like non functional place. And the advice somebody told me was, keep moving your hands, just keep moving your hands. And I'd like would literally just like rearrange the silverware in my drawer, to take my mind off the grief. And it works. It's just like one step. After the next, you don't think about what that next step is going to be? You don't know it doesn't matter. You just keep moving forward, it doesn't matter what it is. Correct. And eventually, after, for some people days for other people, weeks, for some people years, that you may have to stay in that way. But eventually, the mind shifts it it follows the body follows the body lead. Yeah, I remember thinking it felt like it was going to be this way forever now. Because when you first have your baby, it's so new, you don't know You don't know anything. And I thought, wow, this is my life now forever. And I just want to reiterate, for any new mom out there who's struggling with this, it is not going to be like this forever.

And my mom would say that to me a lot. My husband would say that to me a lot my dad too. And I would hold on to those words, you know, and it's all you can do sometimes is just go okay, it's not going to be like this forever. Just keep going. Just keep going, keep going, keep going.

And then one day, it will lift you will feel like I want to say like yourself again. But man, I've created a whole new person now. It's it's sort of like that, that one day you wake up. And it isn't just about doing the physical thing anymore. Your mind actually wants to do it. There's like there's like a resurgence of the motivation. The inspiration starts come back. So it's not like oh, I just have to take the walk for the purpose of taking the walk or have to unload the dishwasher for the purpose of unloading the dishwasher. It's now like, I feel good about doing it. Like all of a sudden that feeling comes back. Like, I want to do this because I feel good when I put everything away feel good when my house is clean. I feel good after my walk. Yes, exactly. And it's it's slips in slowly. It's like little sprinkles of it here and there. And then one day, you're just like, wow, I'm I feel normal again. That's so true. And in starting a business for yourself, that had to apply just the right amount of pressure, because now you had to inspire others. And if there's one thing you aren't, it's inauthentic. So you couldn't fake that you couldn't fake feeling inspired. You couldn't fake being leader, like you had to get yourself to a place where you could be an inspired leader. You had to keep showing up because it is social media. So you can't take you're like, Oh, I had an off week or two, you have that pressure to keep showing up. So it's that community that probably pulled you through it that mild pressure that you knew they were? Yeah, when supporting you. So what was that? Like? Was that part of it? Yeah, absolutely. And I loved it. I loved every minute of getting up every day and having something to do going live connecting with my audience and my friends on on Instagram like it. It fueled me and I love that I was like, hey, at the bare minimum, like wash your face. You know, that can help a woman, even if it's not postpartum, come out of any funk. She's feeling because a lot of us forget to take care of ourselves. We take care of everybody else. I think it's like this innate thing in in women. I don't know what that is. But we just want to make sure everyone else is happy. The husband is fed, the kid is fed, the house is clean. And I'm not even that. I'm not that person, you guys, but I did turn into her after having Nova. And then I was like, Wait a second. I haven't washed my face in a year. I don't even brush my teeth every day. What am I doing. And so being able to help women just regain even that much control over their life by a skincare routine, or doing a little bit of makeup was so fulfilling. I didn't have to fake anything. Like it made me so happy. Women can go so many years after having children before they buy even a single article of new clothing for themselves or get their hair done, or like their nails or anything that just makes them feel a little bit like the person they were before having a baby.

And it it can be like you said it can be literally as small as just washing your face putting on some mascara, whatever little thing you can do to just bring that part of yourself back. Yeah, get back to you somehow. I had my mom and my postpartum group who she's in it now for the second time. But when she had her first baby a couple of years ago, she had moved to Connecticut from Brooklyn, and she said I just missed. I miss Brooklyn. I miss walking around. I mean, if I could have my baby in Brooklyn right now, I said, What would you do if you were with your baby in Brooklyn right now she's like, if I could have my baby in Brooklyn, I would just like, I don't know, I'd like put the baby in a sling and like walk to a coffee shop. And I said, Well, I knew where she lived. You're walking distance from a coffee shop.

And a week later, she said, Oh my gosh, I even dressed like I used to in Brooklyn. I wear like leggings with this cute little dress. And I put on my favorite little boots. And I brought my baby and she's like, I had the best day just I was just outdoors walking. All I did was buy a coffee and I felt so happy. Well, why would something like that make us happy? You have to wonder and it's like, well, maybe the outdoors. Yes, a tiny bit of moving your body. But also it reconnected her to the person she thought she lost. Like I used to be this cute, young woman who walked out dressed like this. And I had the leisure to buy myself a coffee. It's like, well, I guess you still do you just have a baby to bring along. We've got to remember we're still there. Trisha and I did. I'm one of our birth stories sessions with a woman this morning. And it's, we've we've said to her exactly what you just said, she's in that funk of saying like, well, this is my life now. And she got tearful and said, like, I can't believe that birth left me feeling the way it left me feeling. And we said, however your feeling is not going to stay. You know. I mean, it's it's awful when women have traumatic births, but this is absolutely not going to be how you're feeling one year, five years and the decades of your future. But they can you can't see it when you're in it. No, it does feel permanent. It does feel permanent. And you know, there's there's a woman who can stay in it for many, many, many months longer than they may need to and then there's the woman who can pull herself out of it a little bit quicker. And we were saying, you know, Grief is a journey, it's not really something you can rush, you do have to let yourself go through the process. And for some people, it takes a lot longer than others. But there is also that point where sometimes you just need a little smack on the ass to like, get up and do something for yourself. And to me, that's you like you gave yourself that smack in the ass. You were like, That's it. So how do you? How can we help other moms to just like, know, when it's time for that smack. It's so hard. I, I always say now I look back and I go, everybody that's around you, when you're when you're suffering, that it's like they help you suffer more. They think they're helping you. But they're like, no drink that line, or a new mom, you're stressed. Here's your wine, no, eat the fast food. It's okay, you're tired. Which is literally the worst thing you can do. For someone who is suffering, it's sometimes it's like that person who comes in and just like grabs you by the shirt and shakes your up a little bit, and they're like, Get up, we're going to do this come out. This is what you know, we're not tolerating this anymore. Like yeah, change your change your way. This transition is massive for a woman and for the dad to you know, but there's no preparation, no education about what this transition transition is, how to even help that person going through it. You know, my husband did try to, like smack me out of it two weeks into my postpartum depression. And I was like, literally, I was like, it made me feel alone, you know, abandoned, like, because I couldn't get myself out of it. So I think there is like, a moment where you're like, Okay, this, this has been enough now. And I think it's important for I wish somebody would have been like, stop feeling sorry for yourself, like, this is not happening to you, it's happening for you. This, you know, any pain, any adversity, any struggle, suffering is happening for you.

It is part of your journey, this time around in this life, like I look at that I needed postpartum depression, I needed it to move me out of where I was to propel me to that next level of life like to move you out of complacency. Or what was it to move me out of?

Or was it just time for another massive shift in growth in your life? Are you saying that's the thing is I never really had a massive shift, or growth in my life before my life was very, like, easy. Growing up, you know, yeah, I moved to LA pursue dance. And that was like scary and unstable. But I never like suffered any anything. I've never really lost anyone. So at the age of 38, after having a fairly easy life, I was like, hit by 1418 wheelers at once. And I was like, I depression, anxiety, lack of control. Now my body, I'm overweight, what is happening. But I needed that in order to be who I'm supposed to be, which is someone who is now helping women reclaim their lives. I didn't really have somebody to help me do that. Not my midwives. Not really nobody. And if I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't be this source of help. Now, I would still be probably trying to choreograph.

And what I feel about that now is that is very self serving as a career.

And yes, like, if that's your path, wonderful, but I always felt like I was meant for something else. And had I not gone through postpartum and actually suffered something.

I wouldn't be here. You can't connect with people unless you've experienced their pain. Right? So pain is a portal and an initiation into the next level, like pain can open you in a way that no other experience can. And if you are somebody who wasn't maybe that open before when you experienced that pain, and it opens you now, it transforms you down a completely different path in your life because now you have so much to give because you've been opened in a way in what you said it makes so much sense.

It's like it was self serving what you were doing before and you had to go through this pain so that you would gain that empathy and understanding so that you could now do work that serves other people.


I can't even imagine even when I started direct sales. I never looked back at dance or choreography.

Ever, people like you don't miss it, I don't miss it. There's something so beautiful, about being able to help others on this level.

And be a voice of hope for people. Rather than like shaking my ass, not that there's anything wrong with that it did what it did when it did it. Right. And also, the discipline that I learned from dance like now I look back and I go, man, all of that led me and built me to be the exact person I'm supposed to beat today.

And but had I stayed in that victim mentality? Had I stayed complacent? Had I stayed like, I can't believe this happened to me? How could this happen to me, I would have never moved out of that space. It's interesting, because some people have a lot harder time moving out of that space. And some people maybe don't always move out of that space. So there's something in the mindset that has to shift that when you are going through something so difficult, you find that opening?

So how, how do people find that? How does that happen? Yeah, I was gonna ask something similar, because I'm with postpartum women, once a week in a support group. And when you hear the words, this isn't happening to you, it's happening for you. I see these exhausted women, with breast milk stains on their tops, feeling the heavy emotions from the last petty argument they had with their partner in a home that feels taken over by baby things. Feeling really conflicted about the career they just resigned from, or the maternity leave that's shortening by the hour. It's like, how do you sincerely say to those women, this is not happening to you, it's happening for you. What, where when they hear that we can all imagine how that's landing on them. So what's the next thing to say to them? What's the next step in that?

For going through what you're going through killing yourself and still getting up to feed your baby, and still getting up and trying to at least pretend like you're enjoying life, for doing anything at all? Whilst feeling like that, in your mind, you are a gangster, you're a savage. Mom's women like going through that and still showing up. You're a savage. And it's so easy to feel like you are failing, like, you are disappointing everybody around you like you're not the mom, you should be. No, you're exactly where you should be. And I know it feels awful.

But what you're building, what you're creating is this savage of a woman now, I think, too, it's it's a lot of the daily focus when you wake up every day, and you look at yourself, and you see yourself as being strong for what you're enduring, getting better every day, or do you wake up every cell every day, and you look at yourself, and you're saying this is eating me alive, and I'm eroding, and you're becoming you know, contracting more, as opposed to this sucks. This is hard, but I'm doing it. And if you just kind of keep reaffirming that every day, like

I can get through this. I am getting through this. Yes, it's like our growth mentality or the shrinking mentality. Right. And I think it's there should be a moment of silence for mothers every day for 15 minutes from 3pm to 3:15pm. Pacific time where everyone gets on their fucking knees and bows down to all the moms in the women for for what we do and go through it is not respected enough so please like know that you are.

I keep saying gangster but like you just are for waking up and continuing to live through this. I love that you said pacific time

I don't even know. Pacific time. That is the time, absolutely hilarious.

So this whole like you are a gangster. Yeah, they just might. On an intellectual level like I see them try, like, sometimes one woman in the group will say the others. Like, guys think about what we've done, our bodies built this baby our bodies, and you can see on half the women, they're like what ever, I just feel awful. So if they will leave you, and they are closing their eyes and holding their hand to their heart and feeling inspired by what you're saying, and they're like, Yes, I mean, is the message that when this chapter is behind them, it's not that they can lift themselves up out of it on a moment's notice, those things have to unfold, right? We're in it we're in it's like, when Noah tried talking to you before you were ready, you were just like, back off, because you needed to be validated. First, you needed to wallow in your experience first, before he could pull you out. Right? So are you saying to them, just trust that, first of all, this chapter is definitely going to be behind you. That's 100% certainty, and therefore the emotions that go along with this chapter. But you're saying like when you meet that woman on the other side, you don't even know yet what you're capable of? Is that the message 100%. The fact that you are still doing that, despite not wanting to is what makes you a gangster? And yes, when you come out on the other side, you will look back and go, Wow, I did that people character and like you're created under tension under adversity. There's a reason why this is happening to you right now.

I feel so much affection for women. And for myself, when I look back, I only wish I took more photos of me sitting exhausted, sleepless hair unbrushed, or whatever was going on. I just wish I had more of those photos because they are precious to me now. They are just the most precious photos. And it's like, the thing that always comes into my mind that I talked about so often. And I just can't help myself. It's like, I always think about all of us on our wedding days. It's like, and from our husbands perspectives, but like we were young and vibrant and beautiful and madly in love and all about our husbands and was totally into having sex all the time.

And then it's like, but then you see where we are when we're in that postpartum chapter. And I'm overwhelmed with affection because I've what I want to say to those women is on that wedding day when you were that young, light hearted, however you are. Did you even think you were capable of this, like this much love and tolerance to keep getting up like you said, when you don't feel like it, you still get up on your feet, maybe your partner is sleeping through the whole thing. You're not sleeping through it. Your eyes open the minute that baby sighs in their sleep, your eyes pop open like bed is such a precious endearing beautiful thing to me about women. I could cry talking about it. I just think it's, I'm so I'm so happy to be a woman. I'm so happy that I'm the one who went through that experience in my life. I'm so proud that I kept getting up when my babies needed me. And like you said, despite how isolating it is our feeling, it's it's like every woman should be so moved by herself. Because on that wedding day, you didn't see that you had that in you. You're like, Oh, we're gonna have a family. The kids are gonna be so cute. You know, you're so it's so flighty and young. It's gonna be so important having a newborn but what what the heck is happening biologically where women just keep stepping up.

Like they show up. It's amazing. It's in our brains, it's in our DNA. But what I do see a lot of too is after that stage, you know, let's say you do kinda start to feel better. But then I see a lot of women continuing to not take care of themselves, to put themselves last to put everybody first and I'm here to tell you that yes, even on my wedding day, I was 36 Now I'm 41 now and I look better and feel better than I ever have because I refuse to accept postpartum things. You know, like I refuse to accept my postpartum body. I refuse to accept my postpartum health. I got diagnosed with Hashimotos and because of that, it forced me to find answers to my healing. And now I have more energy I look better than I ever have. I I'm more proud of myself than I've ever been. And I think that's more of the reason why I wanted to come on here is that is the life you can create. But you as a mom, as a woman, you'll have to create it, you have to choose that you can't sit there and go, Well, I'm a mom now like, this is just what my body looks like you can create from here, whatever woman in life you want to. And you'll be even more capable when you get on the other side of postpartum. Because it's literally creating this unstoppable machine out of you. But you have to choose, that won't happen by default, you're saying, don't just sit back and wait for that new reborn woman to happen. You're saying like, this is what you can do. Having been through this difficult experience, this is what you can turn it into. Because now we know the degree of your tolerance, we know the degree of your discipline, we know the degree of your strength, even on the days when you had no sleep that you keep getting done, what has to be done. So take those qualities into the next direction. You want your life to go. Yeah. And, and when the time and when the time is right. You know, we don't want a woman who's thinking that this is what I gotta, this is what I gotta get up and do. It takes. It takes time. Right? And there's that there is that moment where the inspiration is just like, it's just like right there in front of you. But you're not quite there yet. And that's when you have to reach for it. Yeah. Yeah. If it's, if you're, you know, in the beginning of it, it's so important to acknowledge that, hey, this is happening to me. Had somebody just been like, clothed you. Oh, that is that sounds awful. As opposed to oh, it's gonna be okay. And like, it can't be that bad. Like, look at your baby, look what you have.

I want to talk to him in the ocean. I know that sounds awful. But that's not helping. If somebody had just said, I never wanted to hurt Nova, like, I knew that this was not his fault. But some moms may feel like that. And whoever you know, somebody to just go, man, this is pretty bad. And somebody just acknowledged me like that, quote, how far postpartum were you? When you felt like you ready to really pull yourself out of this? Do you recall?

Like, I started to feel better at around like six months postpartum. But I was still have like, bouts of sadness. And it's still missing my old life. And it was a it wasn't until about a year where I finally accepted. I could see Nova. I didn't see him before, but like I could see him now. Okay, my son is here. That being is here. And that's okay.

Now what confidence is created and built through doing things that you think you can't do.

And when you really think about that, and your mother and postpartum every day, you're doing shit you don't think you can do and that is magic. That is magic.

There are people like create hardships in her life like they they need to chat. I create challenges in my life. Now. You have this challenge, which I call a gift that has been just given to you. And I know it doesn't feel like that right now. I know that. But you're going to build this confidence. I want you to look at yourself and be like, I am freakin magic for continuing to do this thing as a mother. Even though not an ounce of me wants to think about that. Most people give up they can't even go to the gym for four days. On New Year's. They set a resolution and a goal and they quit. We can't quit. Like we don't have a choice really. And that's that's big. Not enough people are looking at that because we make it look easy.

Like oh, she's a woman. She's a mom, like she just knows how to do it. It's easy. No, no, no. What you're going through is not easy. And you're choosing to continue to do it anyways.

Huge where's that moment of silence It's gonna happen and 5am three to 3:15 Pacific Time Pacific Time.

Moment of silence for the mother's a moment of silence for our mothers because we don't remember when they sat holding us for the first year of our lives so we didn't fall like it's the first thing you realize when you have a baby like oh my gosh, my earliest memories that like two and a half I A lot happened until I got to that point. Like these people kept me alive and did this for me and I was the one waking up during the night. Yeah, you just how do you not think of that until you have a baby? How does it really not sink in?

Right, that's awesome.

But I do want to reinforce the point of like, from here, you get to, you have to choose what kind of life you create as, as this new mom.

And just know that it can be whatever you want it to be, doesn't have to be how the world thinks it should be how your parents think it should look like. Being a 41 year old mom does not have to, or however old you are out there. You know, most people are like, You should look like this. And this is how that looks. And that's how you act and I defy all of those things. And I just like to let women know that they can create whatever life they want from here. Just because you're a mom doesn't mean that you all sudden lose control of your life of your health of your body.

Doesn't mean that it actually means that now you have more ability, and more confidence and more knowledge and wisdom to create whatever you want now, or whoever you want, I should say.

And you gotta run with it.

You gotta run with it and just know that it's possible. I think a lot of women don't realize it's actually possible.

That's the real truth. That is the real truth.

Thank you for joining us at the Down To Birth Show. You can reach us @downtobirthshow on Instagram or email us at Contact@DownToBirthShow.com. All of Cynthia’s classes and Trisha’s breastfeeding services are offered live online, serving women and couples everywhere. Please remember this information is made available to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is in no way a substitute for medical advice. For our full disclaimer visit downtobirthshow.com/disclaimer. Thanks for tuning in, and as always, hear everyone and listen to yourself.

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About Cynthia Overgard

Cynthia is a published writer, advocate, childbirth educator and postpartum support specialist in prenatal/postpartum healthcare and has served thousands of clients since 2007. 

About Trisha Ludwig

Trisha is a Yale-educated Certified Nurse Midwife and International Board Certified Lactation Counselor. She has worked in women's health for more than 15 years.

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