#172 | Our Sexual Energy as The Secret Weapon to Our Best Birth and Best Life with Kim Anami

August 3, 2022

Sex and birth are inextricably linked. Both functions operate optimally under the same conditions: trust, safety, security, surrender. Furthermore, they both require oxytocin. So it is no wonder that birth can actually be the biggest oxytocin rush and/or orgasm of your life. But the importance of healthy sexual energy goes far beyond birth. It is also the key to our best relationship and our best life. Kim Anami is a holistic sex and relationship coach whose thirty years' experience has been dedicated toward working with couples to show them how to harness their sexual energy as the ultimate power source of their lives. As Kim states, "When we are disconnected from our sexual energy, we are operating at a deficiency.  Conversely, when we are connected to our sexual energy we are operating on all cylinders. It is our life force." 

So why do so many of us struggle with sexual desire, especially post-baby? How many of us are going through the motions of sex as opposed to building intimacy and fueling our maximum sexual life force? And how can we keep this sexual power alive as we go through postpartum, early parenthood and old age? Kim is emphatic that everyone can - and should - be experiencing earth-shattering, life-altering orgasms as an integral component of a whole, healthy lifestyle. Tune in today - for sure at a lower volume if the kids are around - to hear Kim's roadmap to keeping your sex life and relationship thriving...and if you ever wondered what "birth rape" means or what a cervical orgasm feels like, now is your chance to learn.

Kim Anami


This show is sponsored by:
Silverette USA*
NOM Maternity*
Vyana Infant Massage*
Beautiful Births and Beyond*
Postpartum Soothe*
*Use promo code DOWNTOBIRTH

Connect with Cynthia and Trisha at:

  • Instagram: @downtobirthshow on Instagram
  • Email: Contact@DownToBirthShow.com
  • Call: (802) 438-3696 (802-GET-DOWN)

Work with Cynthia:

  • Email: Cynthia@HypnoBirthingCT.com 
  • Text: 203-952-7299 to RSVP to attend a free information session live on Zoom. Upcoming dates are posted at HypnoBirthingCT.com. You can also sign up for our Fourth Trimester Workshop,  Breastfeeding Workshop or Cynthia's HypnoBirthing classes and weekly postpartum support groups at HypnoBirthing of Connecticut

Work with Trisha at:

  • Email: Trisha.Ludwig@gmail.com for online breastfeeding consulting services or text 734-649-6294 for more info.

We serve women and couples coast to coast with our live, online monthly HypnoBirthing classes, support groups and prenatal/postpartum workshops. 

We are so grateful for your reviews and shares!

Please remember we don’t provide medical advice, and to speak with your licensed medical provider related to all your healthcare matters. Thanks so much for joining in the conversation, and see you next week!

Support the show

View Episode Transcript

I believe that when we are disconnected from our sexual energy, we're operating out of deficiency. And conversely, when we are connected to it, we're operating on all cylinders. We are charged. We are creative, we are brilliant. It's our very life for us. And, you know, we're working with people who have in both sex and birth, a very programmed very limited view of what's possible. Just like in the birth world, this idea that you need an outside source to come and birth your baby for you. Rather than being able to do it yourself, right? We outsource our power constantly, because we're trained to do that. And so this rhetoric around Oh, women are non orgasmic. Or it is it's this complete misunderstanding of what it takes to get to orgasm. And now under cervical orgasm, what the heck is that?

I'm Cynthia Overgard, owner of HypnoBirthing of Connecticut, childbirth advocate and postpartum support specialist. And I'm Trisha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant. And this is the Down To Birth Podcast. Childbirth is something we're made to do. But how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture? Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.

I'm Kim Anami. I call myself a holistic sex and relationship coach. I've been doing this work for about 30 years. And my passion is about really showing people how their sexual energy really is a power source in their lives in their relationship and every part of their existence. And I had a more renegade natural birth experience myself 25 or so years ago. And I learned about the idea of sexual energy or being part of the birth experience. And so in the past number of like years, I always wanted to do a program for women. And I've got one called sexy mama, holistic birth and ecstatic pregnancy, or holistic pregnancy ecstatic birth orgasmic birth is that we have to be connected to our sexual energy and the block clearing and processing that we do within our relationship is going to inform the kind of birth experience we have. So I wanted to bring together all of the holistic and runagate tools that I've put, I've used in my own life, and then in my own work in sexuality overall, and apply that to the birth world because that information to me is so vital. And that's the starting place, right? Is pregnancy birth and beyond him why?

Why do we have to be connected to our sexual energy in order to have our best birth? Can you make the connection between the two because one thing we talk about a lot is that we are conditioned by society to receive childbirth as painful, and we're conditioned by society to perceive sex as pleasurable, and it can be the reverse for any person. So one thing we try to do is show people this, these are like the same hormones, it's the same organs and body parts. They're so inextricably linked, in fact, conception to birth is like just the reverse of the same process. So can you in your own words, explain why being connected to our sexual energy is important for birth? And then what does it even mean to be connected to our sexual energy?

Right? Well, as you said, from a physiological perspective, all the hormones at play are the same. The same hormones that women experience during powerful orgasm is what they experience in an undisturbed, natural birth, right with this explosion, more oxytocin than they'll ever have in their entire lives. And so even that tells us that birth is meant to be the biggest orgasm of our lives. So I think that, you know, we've had this sterilization of birth and sexuality. And that's really imprinted in our culture in all of these religions and archetypes, like the Madonna whore idea, right? Women are allowed to be slights, and virgins, but there's not this happy medium in between place of a sexually voracious woman. And so that's something that all women all over the world have to address and look at in their own psyches is how have How have we internalized these ideas? And how have they been imprinted upon us? Even if we're educated, and we're good feminists, and we're, we understand these things. We still take in all of this information, and it's been imprinted upon us. And so it's up to us to go inside and figure out what we've really taken on and what our true beliefs are around sexuality. So my view is that sexual energy is lifeforce energy. This is the energy that creates new life and everyone not creating babies with it, then we look at how to use that energy as a power source as a creative tool in our entire lives. And this is the big secret and myth and taboo and obscuring about sexual energy where it's taken on this moral connotation. And if you believe that there may be more nefarious forces that work in the world that are deliberately preventing this connection, because I believe that when we are disconnected from our sexual energy, we're operating at a deficiency. And conversely, when we are connected to it, we're operating on all cylinders. We are charged. We are creative, we are brilliant. We are it's our very life for us, right? This is if we remove all moral ideas and shrouding that's been imposed upon it over the millennia, then we come back to it simply as a lifeforce our chi or prana energy that we have available to us at any time. And these ancient cultures like in Dallas, China and Indian tantric practices 5000 years ago, they looked at sex as a pathway to enlightenment. And so over the years, there's been all of this, as I say, obscuring of the true nature and power of sexual energy. And I believe if he were a very clever, and rather nefarious leader, you would try to impose that upon people and make them think that their true healing, regenerative secret to life is really at literally at their fingertips and free, right, we all have it within us and what a great SIOP to tell people that out there, that it's not that you need an outside source or intermediary, just like in the birth world, this idea that you need an outside source to come and birth your baby for you. Rather than being able to do it yourself, right? We outsource our power constantly, because we're trained to do that, like think about growing up in school, and you have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. So to use your own body, you have to ask permission that's drilled into us for 12 years, right? This notion of outsourcing this bodily power and sovereignty. So the key to that and really retrieving that is connecting to that sexual energy. And you know, people have spoken about this before, like ina may Gaskin and Debra PascalI Bernardo has done great work talking about orgasmic birth and this notion of, you know, the sexual energy is so integral to the entire process, there is no separation between the sexuality that we experience during the conception. And for me in pregnancy, I was always I massive libido off the charts, like, you know, I already have a healthy libido but it was, you know, 10 folds during pregnancy. And then as well during birth, like this extremely erotic experience if people are connected to it. And so if we allow that to happen, and then it is this culmination of what started nine months earlier and is now blossoming into the biggest orgasm and sexually transcendent experience of our lives. So if we follow that trajectory, then I believe we are led to a more effortless, painless, blissful birth experience, but because there's so many interventions, and as like fear mongering at every turn, women get disconnected from that. And then they're constantly giving away that power, giving away that autonomy, not trusting in their bodies, buying into the fear. And by the end of it, they've completely outsourced everything right, they've outsourced the entire birth experience, often the breastfeeding experience, like they have zero faith remaining in their bodies. And so when when people are really tuned into their sexual energy, it becomes a force of its own, it becomes this unstoppable unfuck with a bowl force, if you're really tuned into that energy, it starts taking on a life of its own, shaping your life, giving you a sort of buoyancy and confidence and power and charisma and direction in your life, that you're not even trying to engineer it's just happening because you are allowing this massive Geyser of a life force to operate unimpeded within you. And so it begins to guide and divine and intuitively move your life for you. You don't even have to try. And so I often share stories about things like that where women are making decisions and men as well in their lives where they're not trying to say not give a fuck they're not trying to quit their job one day, they up and quit a job that they've hated for years because they just have this flow and this power and this trust in faith and life and in themselves now, right? They don't care what people think about them anymore. And they're not trying not to care. They're not doing a bunch of affirmations every morning trying I don't care what people think about me I am of my own person. They're just suddenly make Seeing decisions and taking actions in really bold, beautiful ways that they never did before, because their sexual energy is now fueling their lives.

So how do we know this? better answer? Sounds very, very good. How do we know the difference between when we're just, you know, having sex? I mean, many couples are routinely having sex frequently, even. How do we know the difference between just having sex and being in our sexual? You having our sexual life force at its peak? Like, what do we do to get there, especially after we've had a baby, and we're struggling with some of the, you know, the the exhaustion and the fatigue and maybe the birth trauma processing and even the resentment that our partner isn't there showing up for us in the same way and we don't feel attracted to them. And even then, we're still maybe having sex with them. But we're not feeling what you're feeling, because what you just described, we all know when we're in that you can feel it, but just having sex doesn't get us there. Always.

So the big barometric question that I have people ask themselves is does sex leave you feeling regenerated, energized, deeply pleasured, ecstatic, and like it changed your life. If not, you're doing it wrong. And that's not a judgement so much to say that sex is meant to give you energy, you're meant to feel a boost or revitalization. Recap recalibration, a centering of yourself. And, of course, a lot of ecstasy. And if you're feeling tired, if you're like busting one out to go to sleep, a lot of people use sex as a sleep aid as a stress relief mechanism. To me, that's the lowest usage of sex, right lowest on the level of like, versus unconscious versus more conscious, enlightened sexuality. So for people to pull themselves out of that it's making the unconscious conscious. And one of the biggest tools that I have for that is radical honesty, opening up communication between the couple, and clearing of blockages. And so I'll talk about both of those. So Radical Honesty is really exactly as it sounds is that most people are accustomed to living lives of white lies, sins of omission, oh, I don't want to say that I might hurt someone's feelings or outright lies, right. And so in my work, it's about clearing that space. And imagine it's like relationship Fung Shui. If you have all this clutter, and stuff in your space or on your bed, there's no way that you can really connect with each other in a in a realistic, authentic, deep, powerful way. And so the work is about clearing that space. And so I often give the example like, let's say a couple had an argument at breakfast time, right, and they had to go to work, get the kids off to school, they didn't have time to really process and resolve that argument. And let's say that they both are kind of avoidant, and they have a habit of just sweeping things under the carpet, right? So that evening, they're like, Okay, you know, kids are in bed, it's time for us to help sucks. They tried to have sex. And maybe there's, you know, not much libido there, the woman's not very well, the guy's not very hard. Or maybe he had Jackie lates very quickly, or the woman doesn't have an orgasm. And they just make up all these stories, like, oh, I have a low libido because, you know, I'm a new mom, he's got all this term called premature ejaculation. You know, I'm just one of those women who doesn't have orgasms. And that's all bullshit. The truth is that you guys had this stuff that was in the space, and you didn't clear it. And now it's showing up in your bed as a blockage as an impediment as a way, you know, as a wall between the two of you. So that's one little thing, I imagine a couple who's got years or even decades worth of stuff that they have swept under the carpet. So that idea of Radical Honesty is like a clean as you go policy about committing to having these deeper conversations, perhaps even changing the kind of relationship that you've had. Because most people exist with some kind of tacit agreement, we will have a Don't Ask, Don't Tell kind of relationship, we will tell white lies, you know, we will not go too deep and rock the boat. And then you have to say, alright, we want to go deep. We want to rock the boat, we want to actually do some deep excavation, that could be days old, weeks old, years old, or even decades old. But once people commit to doing that, they find that what happens, their libidos come back, their desire for each other returns their sexual ailments clear up because all of that suppression was then being worn in their bodies, right? We were everything in the body. So that's the radical honesty communication part. And then the block clearing is trying to look at places where either we've taken on ideas or beliefs or we've had experiences that were traumatic, right so that one example gave earlier about the Madonna whore dichotomy. Most women in our world culture have taken this on. On some level. Even if we think that we're empowered and strong women, we've usually taken on a fear of being judged for being called a slug. Or men have also taken that on right like a woman if she enjoys sex too much. Oh, no. So get that terrible epithet hurled at her that she's a slut, right. And it's really kind of enshrined in our culture. Like, think about every media, every movie that you watch in, like Hollywood, like there's always a hooker. And almost like every show every movie, like they just have to keep parading that archetype out there, right, like good mom, state stead mom and then hooker, right, rather than like sensual goddess, you know, like, healthy, voracious sexual woman. So that's one of them. Sexual abuse is another huge one. Like, we have, you know, massive statistics around that in our culture. And unless people have actively sought to heal that and clear that from their nervous system, that's going to be at play. For example, I saw early on in my work, working with clients that, you know, women would come to me one woman in particular, and she had, she was in a she was actually had been in an arranged marriage. And she did not want to have sex with her husband. And she had that like, what are the it's like vagina on lockdown, like her vagina wouldn't open, she had painful sex with him. And however, she did this, she had the wherewithal to leave this person after they'd been together for like over a decade. And then she was out dating this new man. And she's like, my problem is all gone. I love having sex with this man, my vagina, no pain anymore. It's all like, fully open like magic, right? Like magic that this has happened. Know, your vagina didn't want to be having sex with that man. And it was closed off. Right? Your vagina wants to be having sex with this man. And now it's open. And we think like, you know, this seems so weird to me, like, you know, an easy observation. But for most people, it isn't. And for medical professionals, it's not they would give this I call this whole class of terminology that OBGYN has come up with Volvo bullshit. Yeah, like all these Volvo this Volvo that right? They just they don't know how you got it. And they don't know how to fix it. Right? Like, that's kind of what they found is a problem of her body and not what's happening to her spiritually, right? Sure. Yeah, like a psycho spiritual origin. Correct. So those are the kinds of associations or observations that I work with and encourage other people to help them make the unconscious conscious in their bodies in their psyches and do that deeper level of healing or change in their life that's then going to facilitate the change in their body. So and then birth trauma, like that's even acknowledging that as a trauma is a huge thing, right? Because the average person, the average doctor would never consider that an experience that needs to be healed or recovered from so until women find themselves in the more holistic birth circles, and then can acknowledge have the permission to acknowledge that that birth experience they had may have been violating or traumatic, or at the very least, disempowering in some way, right? Then they can start to look at that and recognize that, and and I think, a big a big problem that I see is, if we, if we admit something, we have to admit it, right, like, so we might be holding on to a story of like, Oh, like that was, okay, what happened. But if we admit that that was problematic, we have to go back and look at the whole situation at the decisions that we made, that may have gotten us there, right, and then take responsibility and ownership from that. And then he'll, and then and I, you know, to me, I always say to people, like you don't know what you don't know until you know it. And when you know it, then you can do better and you can pay it forward. So let's say a woman, and you know, I hear this all the time. And I'm sure you do, too. Let's say a woman had three really traumatic violating birth experiences. And now she's done having children, but she learns all this information, right? She recognizes now, okay, this is what happened to me, rather than calling it oh, I'm lucky, I'm alive and my baby's alive. She's like, wow, I was actually birth rate and that experience, and maybe all of them, and then can go forward and share this information with her children, with her children's partners, with her nieces, with her friends, to be like, hey, like this is now what I know. And knowing this, this is how I may have done this differently. And I think that's also how we heal. So maybe some people have the opportunity to have additional children and have a do over which can totally cleanse and heal their past experiences. But others don't. You know, they learn this information past when they want to have children. And I think the way we then help to heal is by sharing this information, right like I know currently with what's happening with this jar. Giant. I mean, if you saw my recent video on Instagram about the Roe versus Wade, what I call a psyop, you know, a lot of people have to have a certain position. And to me, they're missing the point entirely, which is that we've always had this power. And the only reason people don't have it is that they give it away. And so the way that we would that we reconcile these things and heal them is by sharing information. And by being the educators and the inspiration for new people we meet along the path to help them enlighten around stuff that is, I think, deliberately suppressed from us a lot of the time.

So our first step to successful postpartum sexual health is having reclaiming our birth power and having that energetically hormonally orgasmic birth. That's step one. What up? Can you give us some practical stuff that couples can do post birth to start trying to preserve that were created for the first time if they didn't have it in birth? Since so many people don't?

Right? Well, first of all, I think it's having this open conversation and acknowledging, okay, well, how did our birth go? Right? Like if we're now learning that birth could be this completely different way? What was our birth experience, like in that way, and there's no blame or shame, again, but I think it's really important to open up that wound and honestly look at it right to gain because I think when we can look back on it with the the light of illumination and compassion and healing, then we can actually heal from it rather than trying to pretend it was something that it wasn't right, because most, I'd say almost all hospital birth experiences are not an empowering situation. So I think that's the first step is looking at that. And then your our overall relationship and sexual connection, like where are we know, and what do we want? And are we willing to go there, you know, like, I, when I'm working with couples, I'll have them make weekly sex dates, or several dates throughout the week, have them get up like an hour or half an hour early earlier than their children get up. So they have this quality time together. Morning, sex is a secret weapon. You know, like, at the end of the day, most people most parents are exhausted. And so it's really difficult to try to drum up that energy, even with the best intentions, you're depleted. So at the beginning of the day, you're fresh, you're open, men always often have morning would, you know, it's a great opportunity. It's like jump on the moment, and you know, have that connection. And that will then act as energetic balm for your day, right? It coats you with a certain kind of energy and confidence and vitality that you can meet the world with. And ideally, couples even have a three hour weekly sex day where they have childcare, they go to a hotel, they perhaps you know, trade, babysitting, so somehow they get at least a window that's just for them so that they can nurture the superpower connection of their relationship. And that is then what feeds everything else in their lives. That's what gives them energy as parents energy in their work, energy and all parts of them, their lives comes from the sanctuary and the fueling station of their bed and their connection with each other. So and then I also suggest that they have connection dates. And so these are times that are set aside just to have these conversations. So these conversations are not about chores, about children, about the administration of your home and your lives together. They're about the deeper issues that lay between you which might be have talking about your birth, which might be talking about your like past things, as I said, that have happened that we've that we're holding on to that we've tried to sweep under the carpet, but we know we're not really over that. Those are the things that need to be brought out into the light for us to look at and to alchemize and to let go of our dreams that we want as a couple, you know, like what do we envision our life together? What is our true life, purpose and dharma individually and with each other? How can I support that for you? Like these are the deeper kinds of conversations that people often have at the beginning of a relationship, right without great excitement and hope and like what can you know, dreaming the future together? That's what we need to come back to Unpreserved. So it's having those that time actually satisfied. And also just that couples even three times a week you have a date marked in your calendar, that's your connecting dates, even if it's 30 minutes of having those deeper conversations, maybe it's an hour and often after getting to that level of deeper intimacy pulling away the superficiality. They'll want to make love right they'll feel so connected to each other through this deep intimate conversation that they want to be Sexual. So it's good sometimes if you schedule some space after those conversations as well. But those are two big tools, right? Connecting dates, sex dates, and then this commitment to radical honesty and open communication. Because otherwise, there's always going to be a veneer of falseness of lies of blockage that exists between the couple unless they actually acknowledge and commit and both are on the same page with having an honest relationship.

That's a true I never thought about that before. But when you fall in love with someone, you have months of just staying up all night long talking and talking and talking and having these like, amazing intimate conversations where you just explore each other and get to know each other. And you have these deep conversations about your perspectives of the world and your, your family and your relationships, and every friend you've ever had. And I just never thought about it before. It's so true that it isn't just the sexual energy. When you fall in love, it is so much of that emotional connection of just being so intrigued by each other and curious about each other and open with each other.

Right, you have to remain curious, you have to you have to continue to want to explore parts of your partner's emotional self, or physical self that you haven't tapped into before because as people we're growing, and we're changing throughout our life. And if you're not following along with your partner, and learning the new things that they are bringing into their world and their new passions and excitements, there's always something more to learn me, Curiosity is at the root of attraction, right? When we're curious, we're attracted. And when we feel like there's nothing more to learn about our partner, or we don't try, that attraction gets suppressed or repressed or goes away altogether.

You know, when I talk about couples and the work that I do, it's all around trying to create a conscious relationship. And by that, I mean that both people are looking at the relationship as a vessel for transformation. And so we consider that our intimate relationship is a space and a gift, and a container that's going to allow both of us to evolve, and to grow, and to transform individually. And that there's three entities in a relationship, there's me, there's you, and there's the entity of the relationship itself. And then in these connecting days, or our overall vision, we're always looking at looking at how are we supporting the growth of all three of these entities. And so this is the notion that I ascribed to that our lives are a journey of evolution, and self actualization, right? Like, how are we becoming the best versions of ourselves? And how do we change? How do we grow, and that we're committed to growth and change if people you'd be surprised, because most, most people are committed to stagnation, right. And so, unless they have, as a conscious value are discussed, committed value, the idea of growth and evolution, by default, they have stagnation, right. And that is really the kind of the core of my work is that if people people need to make that conscious declaration that our relationship is a vessel for that. And we are both into individually and collectively on a path of growth and evolution, and we are supporting that in each other. And if you have that as your guiding principle, that's huge. That is a massive thing to use as a as a GPS in your lives.

So how would you recommend that couples sort of get back into this sexual flow and sexual energy post baby because many women are not feeling ready to return to having sex for, you know, the, at least the first six weeks and most women don't even feel ready for two months, three months or longer? So what can couples do in that, in that period of time, where they're not having a lot of sex to stay sexually connected, and kind of work their way back into that?

Start listening to my podcasts? And, you know, we're working with people who have in both sex and birth, a very programmed very limited view of what's possible, right? And so a huge amount of what I do is yes, showing people what's possible and so just by listening to that information to realize okay, you know, some women are like, they made love through the whole, you know, birth experience, and they're continuing to make love, you know, constantly there was they never really missed a beat. So, not that all my podcasts are about sex people are having right after birth. But you know, even with the orgasmic experience, right, like I have this guarantee, I say all women all orgasms, all women have high libido, all women, you know, can have multiple orgasms. All of these things are a guarantee. I To guarantee that every single person can experience these things, they just don't know that they can, or they haven't found the right tools. So by listening to that information, you start to learn what's really possible. And you can have these conversations with your partner. So let's say that you listen to a podcast together, and then you're like, holy shit, I didn't know that every woman had a G spot. So you start to understand that what's possible in your lives, and then start moving towards it. And in my podcasts, I also talk about the blocks, as I've said that people can have that, that stop them from reclaiming that power and acknowledging that power. Because the what I said earlier that connecting dates, the open conversations, committing to clearing blockages, that's the map, right? That is the map of how to get there. But to help you, you know, navigate the roads, like if you start listening to these episodes, and at least you have an idea of here's areas for us to look at, here's things for us to look at that we never even thought we needed to examine, or we never even thought this was a problem.

I imagine that the longer you stay in stagnation, the harder it is to break free of that. So we don't want to let to long go by and even if you aren't feeling like going out on a date yet at six weeks, or having sex at six weeks, there are there are other ways through this processing the birth trauma, processing the birth experience, practicing radical honesty, just opening up your emotions to each other sharing deeply. Cuddling, whatever it is to stay in that sexual energy.

Well, you won't be able to get to the sexual energy unless you do these things. First. If there's a history of these things that have happened, you can i can't i never just tell people go make yourself have sex, I don't care how you're feeling. What's good, I would never do that. Because in my view, it needs to arise organically. And if you do this prep work, if you do this internal relationship function way, you have these conversations, you look at clearing trauma, you look at stuff that's been unresolved over the years, or the months or whatever, you'll get there, you will organically get there. But I wouldn't say Okay, you guys, like just Friday night, go do it. You know, lock the doors, just make sure you do. I would never say that to people, I don't have to. Because if they do this other work, they will want to go in the bedroom and locks.

When I first took sex ed classes in high school, and even in college, they used to teach it as a fact that small that some person I don't remember the percent, but some women were just non orgasmic. And I used to think back that cannot be that cannot be but they used to teach that. I think they used to say something like a third of women. And I used to think there's just no way that physiologically, some women are so different that they cannot have an orgasm. That was just completely false. Right. And are they still teach? Definitely.

Definitely. I have to be honest, I have no idea what they're teaching because they don't pay it any attention. Right?

You don't you don't you have no interest in what right? You because there's so much bad information out there that you don't concern yourself with it is? Yeah, right. You said something earlier that exactly resonated with the premise of our podcasts. Our whole podcasts premise is a healthy mom and baby isn't all that matters. That's the lowest possible bar to set a healthy outcome is the lowest bar. And I guess the equivalent for you as a clitoral orgasm. I understand your your discussion on orgasm. That's the lowest bar orgasm, I've heard you say. But and we just had a post yesterday that said exactly what you said earlier, our post yesterday said this in a real it said we put out there the greatest predictor of your birth outcome comes down to the degree of responsibility that you are willing to take for your birth. And I think what I hear you saying is the same is true for our sexuality and our pleasure.

Definitely, yeah.

What I'm I'm not I've two things I need to ask you one because I know women are thinking it and the other. Well, I think women are thinking both both of these. As much as you said things that are just so aligned with everything we've said, Trisha and I have never used the phrase birth rate, even in our private conversations. It's never crossed our mind to say that term. Can you explain for everyone what you mean by birth rate? And then just for fun? My other question was, what's the cervical orgasm and tell us more about that? Start with you. I always like I always like the bad news first. To start with birth rate and then let's talk about cervical orgasm just so people know what both of those things are.

Right? I mean, I guess there's different degrees of it. This concept of being in generally a hospital situation but some women have even had that experience at home with say, a very, like mainstream type midwife, where they're they feel like there's absolutely no no volition or direction of their own involved or no respect for their own self or body. And then all these interventions are done to them that are often quite gruesome, and torturous and unnecessary. And it's just a system of protocols that are enforced. And even, you know, the idea of all these hands and all these devices like going up inside of women, unnecessary Peasy autumn ease. I mean, all of this stuff is, you know, and I've actually, you know, there have been stories as well, like, I've heard from doulas and midwives, where they've been in hospital scenarios, and a woman has explicitly said like, she doesn't want something to happen. And then it's done to her, right, because she's there basically, in that environment where either they don't think they have the power, or they've signed away the power, or it's just so this wall of opposition against them is so strong. So I think it ranges from a sense of just being railroaded over and not listened to. And then where women have deliberately declined things that were then done to them anyway. And you know, not even in quote, emergency situations, even though in a hospital, that term gets thrown around quite liberally, especially in birth scenarios. So but I think any scenario where a woman comes out of it, not not, maybe this is a overreaching use of the term, but where women come out of it and just feel like all their power was taken from them. Right. And so maybe we're not going to call that exactly birth rate, but something similar, where they just felt, again, like overly railroaded and their body was violated and assaulted. So, and I think it's also this normalization of dysfunction, right? Like the fact the way that most women give birth and especially in hospitals, is so heinous, and yet has become so normalized, that we just don't think anything of it, like the idea of cutting babies out routinely cutting women open routinely, you know, giving them all these drugs and you know, routinely radiating them with damaging ultrasound routinely, like we just, it's become so accepted that people just don't blink an eye, right until I think they wake up or they can peel away the layers of trauma, or self justification that they can then get beneath it. And sometimes the most vehement defenders of those procedures are the ones I think, who are the most terrified and you know, feel the most violated, but that defense mechanism comes in, because otherwise they'd have to really acknowledge the trauma that's happened to them. And so they go on the opposite, and they become vicious, vicious about defending, you know, how, how lifesaving these things are, and when we know that that's statistically just not true. And now on to cervical orgasm.

Now on to cervical orgasms. What the heck is that?

Well, and does it actually feel good?

Right, or in a good way? Tell us all of what is that how does it work?

Well as cervical orgasm comes from a deep stimulation of the cervix, and so in the vagina, there are all these different it's like a van Gough's, Starry Night Sky painting. There's all these different pleasure points and centers that are even related to reflexology zones and emotions within the vagina that have corresponding organ systems in the body. And so the cervix is the heart point for women. The cervix is connected to the vagus nerve, which goes all the way up to the crown chakra. The vagus nerve is considered to be the most spiritual nerve in the body, the heart point so women to really open up in the cervix energetically, this is our gateway between life and death, right? Like this is the portal that opens for birth and for menstruation. And for a woman to really energetically open there, her heart needs to be open, right? So if she's with a partner, where she's really in love and open, her guard is fully down, then she can access these orgasms. They're typically not the kind of orgasm that a woman could have, in, let's say, a casual sex situation. Or if she's in a closed off place with her partner, she just won't get there. And so this rhetoric around Oh, women are non orgasmic. Or it is it's this the complete misunderstanding of what it takes to get to orgasm, which feels a number of different things like a full body bliss explosion, women often have massive cascades of emotion. They'll often start crying, they might laugh hysterically, some women will even get angry sometimes it's like this reservoir of deep seated emotion. That's just been held right for it for years for decades, even, will get released. And so these orgasms are a massive gift and personal growth tool for women and way of recalibrating because if you can use your orgasms this way as this massive release of the entire being, right, the entire psycho spiritual, emotional physical system, it's like the best autonomic nervous system reset that there is, it's a way that women have to expunge things out of us, right, this huge gift of a release that if we follow it, right, our body and our psyche are using this opportunity to let go of stuff that we may not be able to process. So consciously, I want everyone to know that everything is possible for them. And so we talked earlier about this, like the mythologies that are out there the misinformation that only some women can orgasm or only suddenly we can have an orgasmic birth or it's natural to have a low libido after having a child and And my view is never ever to shame anyone or make anyone feel like they're less than for not having that, but only to give them the optimism and the hope that it's all possible. All women are multi orgasmic all women can have pleasurable birth all people can be having sex well into their 70s and having decades of passionate, incredible life changing intimacy, it's possible for all people, you just need to focus on yourselves do the work. Be curious, you know, commit to looking at these things and everyone can get there.

Thank you for joining us at the Down To Birth Show. You can reach us @downtobirthshow on Instagram or email us at Contact@DownToBirthShow.com. All of Cynthia’s classes and Trisha’s breastfeeding services are offered live online, serving women and couples everywhere. Please remember this information is made available to you for educational and informational purposes only. It is in no way a substitute for medical advice. For our full disclaimer visit downtobirthshow.com/disclaimer. Thanks for tuning in, and as always, hear everyone and listen to yourself.

Thank you for having me on. And I always love supporting people, especially who are willing to have more bold and courageous opinions and put them out there and kudos to both of you for having the courage to step away out of the system and follow and untrodden path because it's a really it's a really big deal. And it's awesome that you're now taking that message to the masses or the the people who choose to be open to it.

If you enjoyed this podcast episode of the Down To Birth Show, please share with your pregnant and postpartum friends.

Share this episode: 

Between episodes, connect with us on Instagram @DownToBirthShow to see behind-the-scenes production clips and join the conversation by responding to our questions and polls related to pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood.

You can reach us at Contact@DownToBirthShow.com or call (802) 438-3696 (802-GET-DOWN). 

To join our monthly newsletter, text “downtobirth” to 22828.

About Cynthia Overgard

Cynthia is a published writer, advocate, childbirth educator and postpartum support specialist in prenatal/postpartum healthcare and has served thousands of clients since 2007. 

About Trisha Ludwig

Trisha is a Yale-educated Certified Nurse Midwife and International Board Certified Lactation Counselor. She has worked in women's health for more than 15 years.

Want to be on the show?

We'd love to hear your story. 
Please fill out the form if you are interested in being on the show.

screen linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram